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| now hardly to sleep, the origianl plan is to sleep now study tmr but my mind keep thinking back of my life. now i know , i have not change from last time to now. i reali c myself clear y i keep failing to achieve success or any target in my life. wat i feel of my life is going downward since my secondary school time. wat reali make me realise is, the bad habit of i, as i always find excuse for my weakness. everytime face challenges, just escape from it n try to avoid from it. never reali learn from my mistake. n then everytime blaming myself y i m so bad, in the sense of attitude. now life is lonely,..but i never make afford to find companies n just sitting there waiting for the companies to come. just sitting there thinking y i m so worse in my life wihtout reali take the step to improve it. times pass by n things keep repeating now i realise is about determination. i m lackin of this. always i will say myself is 3 minutes guy.everything in my life just 3 minutes, i promise myself to study..but just a while.... go learn interpersonal skilll but still 3 minutes. most of the people join some the workshop with me are success now and reali develope their skill but me still standing here still struggling from activitise to activities... one escape to another escape...4 years in uni, without reali learning anything n yet now is the time for internship. (always depend on friends for assignemnt n presentation. never reali learn how to be independant. )this is wat i though just now . the more i think, the worst i feel i m. the more i fear. but i do know one important note is to have determination. from now on. this is the major things i need to practise. 
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| it is a weekend,a weekend nobody stay in hostel but i do. nobody around arise the self reflection within myself. STart to feel my life is less of somethng but not reali know wat is it. I guess is loneliness make me have this feeling. Then i try to examine my life, weekend really a waste time day. normally i will just stay in home and eat sleep watch movie n maybe hang out with friends. everyone is moving, changing, and improving, when i do look back myself, just find i m still the one i was last time or even worst. promise, to myself, change to a better person, plan, equip myself with skills n wisdom, yet to be done. thing delay, promise delay, skill delay, wisdom delay. reali dunno wat i m waiting for. attitude still the same, dun reali make effort to change things out but rather wait things to come to me.... things happen and happen again make me feel bored of myself for making empty promise. ok. stop here. n go study again. kayau yonghe. | | |
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words to guardian angel guardian angel: get reject doesnt matter de, get fall doesnt matter de, get hurt doesnt matter de, just know that, we gonna face the resistance then we can gain, now is raining, but sooner it will be no rain, maybe heavy downpour now but sooner when rain getting smaller there is a rainbow, after the smaller rain, the sun will come out, life still beautiful :D ...gerli a bit.... i wish i may make myself into umbrella, so heavy rain u can hide inside, strong sun, u can still hide inside, dun woli..for sure i m a big big umbrella...hehe....the worse thing is only one person can carry, n the worst thing is my owner send me to u d........oh no..this blog very gerli...for those who read... hm.... just ignore...practise to write love later.... :D reali hope..guardian angel will read this blog....now is 2/4/08 11.00pm crossing hand to wish she will be well after the storm rain...... but..today...i hope she will pass her excam okok...wish | | |
| hi...today..not reali can sleep tim, lie on bed for long time but still not fall asleep.keep on yawninig but not yet sleep...hm...long time never been this...now knowing she has a new bf d....feeling so bad... to c they infront of me...still i need to hide all those emotion inside....just dunno y i cant let go of her?recall my friend asked me last time... if i know she has a bf..will i like hurt by a knife? hm.. i think..not that serious..just feel down a bit for that..as... i c they dating infront of me...things reali changed....he my good friend..come to tell me...he is his bf d...then i told him..i got a gf d...she..my ex... come to tell me..he is her bf...still i told her..i got a gf d...but the fact is i got nothing..just wan to let they be hapi...hm...not reali....true also... wish sometime... easyto say but hard to do it...but still i no regret...as this is the best solution for he and she....now i think back..y i so like the lady..and cant let go.. i think is the feeling together...i now understand... no matter what ii said..to her..she will just laugh n enjoy.like a small kids... this is y i like her so much...n now ... i cant reali find a girl who like that..... recall old memory...but watchin..they dating... make me stand inbetween the past me and the now he... she is happier..she found what she want.... she told me v r not suit to each other.... that correct... the bad time together is much more than the good time.....she n he is now happy together....just wish her again here....be good always...... n wish myself...always be good too.......... the feeling of jealousy... is reali... sux.....just..let the time... be....n let...things pass..n i can used to it..... down...but no depress..... better.......feel i m so much better compare last time..... but..still down a bit....n always duwan to think...... this help...dunno y......so just keep it up lor..hehe... dunno what i m typing pun...just.... cant sleep tonite...maybe the waether too hot d | | |
| here i m again. i was just passed a busy week here. in this week, lots of things happen to me, make my confident level really go down. 1st of all, my assignment, i promise myself to not just depend on the other teammate but i must do it also. few of it i did my part and only one of the assignment i have totally count on my teammate. i was doing nothing for the assignment n left all job for my roommate. feeling guilty for that as i was still the same never change yet. i just feel myself is reali same, no change at 1st no change now also. then..the second things bothering me is my CV, i wrote something irrelevant to the CV, just feel i cant do many things, many things is out of my ability. thinking back what i have done, the past few years of my university, i reali did nothing, none of the assignment i finish by my own. everytime count on other, i just thinking i m going to end my university life but what i have learnt in my university life. i feel i just do nothing if i compre to my friend.my friend join society, lots of friends, always hanging around. i did encourage one of my friend 2 years ago, he did quite bad for his result, but he manage to catch up.. to a better result and he manage to oeganize lots of event which is really a good job.then i reflect it to myself, i m just nothing. the third things is my public speaking contest is on this saturday, i did post a message on my friendster group.but most of them not even ask for the time, straight away say cannot go, it did make me feel sad. i was expecting few of them going but now seem nobody going, i just wan to let my friend to c me, so without friends support, i feel i already lose the contest, and some others things bother me.... make me feel quite down here right now. so express it here now. just wanna express out. i m still i, later on still need to face with things out. my friend said i always escape from my hardship, now i dun wan to escape.. hope i really can do it. hope myself always good and healthy....friends,,, i just wan to express out....so then i can feel better......sometime reali hard to tell someone.. i this n this n this..... everyone has their own issue.... so i express here..... anyone feel free...come support support me ya :D.....hehe...thank ooo.....to py, i not telling u this, b;coz i know u also have ur own issue to face on, so dun woli i m all right :D | | |
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